Painfully Awkward 🫣😐

I don’t know if it’s something about me that people can pick up on without me saying a word or if it’s somehow written across my face, but in all the months I’ve been on campus, I haven’t made any meaningful connections. My professors, advisor, and EOF counselor have been wonderful—understanding and supportive—but outside of that? There’s nothing.

Starting over at 37 isn’t easy, but it’s not something I can’t handle. I’m perfectly fine on my own—I’ve learned to enjoy my own company, to find peace in the quiet moments. ✨ But sometimes, I can’t help but think about how nice it would be to have someone to share things with—a friend to laugh with, or even a travel companion for those times I want to explore the world. 🌍

Making friends at this stage of life feels impossible, though. It’s like trying to break into a social circle where everyone already has their place, and I’m just there on the outside, wondering if there’s room for me. Some days, I feel invisible; other days, I wonder if I’m not trying hard enough. But maybe it’s not about trying—maybe it’s just that the right person hasn’t crossed my path yet. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I think about my best friend every day. 🖤 He was the one person I could count on, the only one I ever needed. Now that he’s gone, I know no one will ever replace him. It’s been two years, and I’ve come to terms with the loss, but there’s still a part of me that aches for the bond we had.

We didn’t take many photos together, and I wish we had. Back then, we were too busy enjoying each other’s company to stop and think about capturing the moment. Now, all I have are the memories, and while they mean the world to me, sometimes it feels like they’re slipping further away. 😔

Looking back at the people I once called friends, I realize how shallow those relationships were. I let go of the last of them last year, and I haven’t regretted it for a second. I’d rather spend time with myself than pretend to enjoy the company of people who don’t truly care. ✌🏽

Still, it wouldn’t hurt to have someone real—a friend who gets it, who gets me. But if that doesn’t happen, I’m okay with that too. I’ve learned to be comfortable in my own space, and for now, that’s more than enough. 🌙

If you’re reading this, I’d love to hear your thoughts:

• How do you make new friends when you feel like you’ve missed your chance?
• Am I the only one who feels like I’m always on the outside looking in?
• Any advice on how to stop feeling so awkward all the time?

Let me know by commenting on the post on my blog Awkwardly Introverted