The Text That Should’ve Stayed in My Drafts… 📱
Why Did I Reach Out to Him?
Hey awkwardly introverted readers, I need your opinion. I recently did something stupid, and now I’m left wondering why I even bothered. I’m hoping some of you can shed light on why we sometimes make these questionable decisions. So, here’s the story…
Ok, so the backstory is we met years ago and used to talk and hang out, but tried to go beyond friendship, which obviously didn’t work out. We stopped talking last year and didn’t contact each other since then—well, until I reached out tonight like a clown 🤡.
I sent a “Happy New Year” text to this guy who clearly didn’t try to contact me. Like, why? Why did I do it? Maybe I thought there was unfinished business or just wanted to see if he’d even respond. Spoiler alert: he did. And the first thing he says is, “Oh, hi, I got a new bed.” Like, seriously? 😑🛌 🚩
For context, that was his way of trying to set up sex, but no way. The last time we were together, it was not a good experience, so I’m definitely not going down that road again. I have no idea why he thought that was important to mention, especially since it’s not why I contacted him. 🙅🏾♀️
The conversation quickly went downhill from there. He’s a selfish lover, and I’ve already been through enough drama with him to know better. But here I am, wondering why I still had this need to reach out. What is it about people who don’t make the effort to reach out to us first? Why do we sometimes feel like we have to make the first move, even when we know they’re not worth it?
And to make matters even more ridiculous, I found his number again. I’d blocked and deleted him, thinking that was the end of it. But out of nowhere, I found it again on my iPad, like some cosmic joke. It’s not like I was actively looking for it; I just stumbled upon it, and there it was. So, of course, that led me to sending the text because apparently, my impulse control was on vacation. Why couldn’t I just leave it in the past? Why did I feel the need to reopen that chapter?🤦🏾♀️
Oh, and let’s talk about how he totally reminds me of a fake Miguel, the singer. Like, I’ve told him this before, but it’s true. I swear, it’s like he’s trying to channel Miguel’s vibes, but he just… isn’t Miguel. Maybe that’s why I’ve got him on my mind more than I should? It’s a weird comparison, but when I look at him, that’s all I see. A cheaper version of Miguel who just doesn’t have the it factor. 🥴
To make it worse, I can’t even talk to anyone about it because I’ve been told so many times not to engage with him 😂. I know everyone would just roll their eyes and say, “Why did you even text him?” 🙄 So now I’m too embarrassed 🙈 to tell anyone I caved and sent that message. The shame is real, y’all.
Honestly, it’s like a bad habit I keep falling back into. But at almost 38, I’m supposed to know better, right? What I really want is clarity. I don’t need him in my life, and I definitely don’t need this back-and-forth. So why did I do it? Maybe it’s because sometimes, even when we know it’s not the right thing, we want answers, closure, or just some sign that things could’ve been different. But here’s the thing: I already know the answers. I don’t need him for closure. I need to close the door and move on. 🚪
But maybe I’m not the only one who’s made this mistake. So, I’m putting it out there: Have you ever reached out to someone you knew wasn’t good for you? What were you hoping for? And how did you stop repeating the same pattern? I’d love to hear your thoughts—because at this point, I’m just trying to make sense of it all. 😬
I think I’m just spoiled by the damn romance in my books. I know half of that doesn’t happen in real life, but in my book world, it seems to happen and always with happy endings. Maybe I should just continue with my book boyfriends instead of bothering with real ones. At least they don’t disappoint! 📚💘🤭🤓
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