🍟💀 How a French Fry Tried to Assassinate Me 🤧🔥

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Let me set the scene.

It was a peaceful day. I was in the kitchen, vibing, cooking, and casually snacking on some fries — because if you’re not eating while you cook, are you even really cooking? 🤷🏽‍♀️


Then… it happened.

The sneeze.

One of those sneezes. The kind that sneaks up out of nowhere like a ninja — no warning, no buildup, just BOOM 💥 — a full-body explosion.


But here’s where the real chaos kicks in:

I still had fries in my mouth. 🥲

Crunchy. Undigested. Mid-chew. No time to swallow.


And my body said:

“BET.”


The domino effect was instant:


  • Food went down the wrong pipe 🫢
  • I sneezed mid-bite 🤧
  • My nose and the back of my neck felt like they were on fire 🔥🔥🔥
  • My eyes started leaking 😭
  • And then came the worst part…
    I started blowing out potato chunks. FROM MY NOSE. 💀🥔💨



I sat there, stunned.

Like… did I just snort-launch a French fry?

Is this what rock bottom feels like?


So naturally, I ran to the bathroom like it was a Code Red 🚨

Still sneezing. Still coughing. Still unsure if I was alive or just being reborn as a new, humbled version of myself.


I was blowing my nose for the 400th time when I looked down and saw it:

A chunk of potato on the bathroom floor.

Just sitting there. Judging me. 👀🍟


It had survived.

It made the full journey:

Mouth ➡️ Nose ➡️ Airborne ➡️ Floor.


I lost it.

I was laughing. Crying. Gagging.

It felt like I had just lived through a French fry exorcism. 🤪💨


My mom came in and was like, “Oh yeah, that’s happened to me before.”

Girl WHAT?! You mean to tell me this is a thing?! A shared genetic trauma?! 😩😭

Apparently, nose-potatoes run in the family now. #Legacy 🍟👃🏽💥




Moral of the story:

The human body is way too dramatic. Everything’s too close together. The mouth, nose, throat, tear ducts — all connected like an unstable group chat that can’t mind its business. 📱😤


So if you’re ever tempted to eat fries and cook at the same time…

Just don’t sneeze.

Don’t do it.

Save yourself. 🚫🤧🍟


And to the fallen fries…

You didn’t deserve this.

You were golden, crispy, and full of promise.

🕯️🫡🍟 #NeverForget


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