Periods Should Come with a "Do Not Disturb" Button

Ugh 😩, here we go again—another day, another period from hell. Now, I know this might be TMI, but let's be real: we're all in the same boat here. So, I’m going through one of those periods. You know, the kind that’s so intense you start wondering if your uterus is auditioning for a horror movie. Could it be because of those lovely uterine fibroids that no doctor seems to want to remove? Why, yes, yes it could.

Apparently, because I’m at "birthing age," they think I’m just one Prince Charming away from wanting a kid. Newsflash, docs: I DO NOT WANT KIDS. Never have, never will. But hey, who am I to make decisions about my own body, right? Because clearly, it's the pain talking. I’m so fucking sick of this bullshit.

And don’t even get me started on female gynecologists. You’d think they’d get it, considering they go through the same shit. But no. It’s like they’ve got selective amnesia the moment they put on that white coat.

Let me tell you about the time my period lasted 20 fucking days. Yes, twenty. Whole. Days. That ended with a hospital stay, an iron infusion, and some estrogen-lowering bullshit. Did they finally say, “Hey, let’s get those fibroids out of there”? Nope! Because apparently, Dr. Howard Jones of Valley Hospital, the king of empty promises, decided I didn’t need that after all. Thanks for wasting my time, doc. A+ in unprofessionalism. Wouldn’t recommend him to my worst enemy.

So back to my current period-from-hell situation: I’m lying down, minding my own business, when a sharp pain shoots through my back. Of course, it’s not like I’m used to this or anything. I drag myself to the bathroom, and as soon as I stand up, it’s like a fucking tsunami 🌊. I swear, I felt like I needed a hazmat suit.

Then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, it’s all over my clothes. How the fuck did that even happen? The horror. Now I’m standing there, covered in this… mess, thinking, "Really? This is my life?" So, it’s time to pull out the extra heavy pads and clean up the crime scene. Because what else can you do?

Oh, and by the way, my body can’t figure out if it’s hot or cold thanks to this period. One minute I’m freezing, the next I’m sweating like I’m in a sauna. Thanks, hormones. You’re really killing it. 😩

Periods are fucking evil, but you know what’s even more evil? Idiots like Trump, the Supreme Court, and JD Vance trying to take away our rights. Mind your own damn business, like Tim Walz said. We women are amazing, and we deserve better than this crap.

Honestly, periods should be optional. Not sexually active? Not trying to get pregnant? Cool, just hit the "skip" button and move on with your life. But no, we get stuck with this bullshit every month. Thanks, Mother Nature. You're the best. 😒

And another thing—please, please go away soon. Do not stay the full 7 days. You are not a welcome friend at all. In fact, you're the enemy I can't get rid of. I’m not doing anything tomorrow. I literally feel like I’m spinning or something—ugh 😩. BIG F U 👆🏾.

P.S. I hate those commercials that say, "Have a happy period." If you have a happy period, you're a robot 🤖, not real. Happy periods don’t exist. I’m not getting pregnant, so my body should know that and just skip the period. I had to say this twice because I really wish you could skip ⏭️ your periods. I hate you, Aunt Flo, Bloody Mary, and any other names a menstrual cycle is called.